I apologize but Rux’s post is the post of the day! Hmm… In case she deletes it because of too many “F…..bad words”, it’s here as well :D
Info: Rux is an Erasmus in Kemi, Finland (January – April 2007)
and then he said: let there be Internet!
27 02 2007
Motto: “Pinky, are you pondering what i’m pondering?”/”I think so Brain, but where are we going to find a monkey in a tu-tu at this hour?”
So…we’ve been trying to get this stupid internet connection here since we came, that is on the 12th of January!!! Needless to say we had been emailing our “tutor” here (the head of student union) a couple of months before arriving and of course she said it’s ok, you can get it in no time just have to make a “small” deposit of 300euros because we’re not residents, bla, bla… Ok…we got here, we head directly to the nearest provider (there are only 2, so…) we said we’re exchange, we would like to pay for an internet connection, we have the 300 euros, we have passports…
“yes, of course! it will take 3 weeks to open it.”
“what the fuck?!!? how come???(the lines/cables are already in the building, I saw that the first day we were here: UTP!!!UTP!!!) you know…you just have to switch it on or something…”.
Went across the street to the other ISP thinking we can surely get it faster: “it’s impossible without the Finnish social no.”. Went back to the first one: “ok, we’ll take it :D”
Time passed…and passed…and then passed (meanwhile…
Mighty Mousethis belgian that was giving us “the gift of internet” got pissed off cause his connection was crashing because of us and the other people on it – 12 i think…) and then we went back there.
“listen, we had an order for net made a couple of weeks ago, do you happen to know when we’re getting it?”
“i don’t have the paper with me, but it is on my name”
he looks for it, he calls a “special someone-someone”, he smiles: “there is no order” ba pe mata!!!
(key notes in this story: our actual finnish tutor had to leave for his studies in stockholm, so this lady/the head of student union was in charge of us, but she is at all times “very busy, very busy”; in translation: she doesn’t give a rat’s ass)
ok, calm, serenity now!!! went back home, took the paper, went there again:
“this is the order signed by someone here with my name and your company’s on it”.
at this shop there are 3 guys working (let’s call them…the 3 stooges although I’m doing my best at using my “goodside” english) and they kept changing between themselves. he takes a look at it, he calls again someone:
“you cannot have it without the finnish social no.” –a lot of romanian cursing (mortii/ranitii familiei, ai renului…)–
“but you said we can have it. we’ll pay the 300 euros!!! we’ll feed your raindeers!!! we’ll …. we’ll do ANYTHING!!!”
“ok…i’ll sms(everyone here sms-es people, nobody calls) you if you can have it”
“can you sms me if i can’t as well?”
“we’ll see :)” (everything is said with a dumm smile on their faces)
On the road again…took my little pink pill (distonocalmu’) chill, dude! No sms. Of course. Call Kati (”lady of the union”). Made “an appoinment” with here at 9 a.m. to go there (maybe a Fin had more chances than us). 8.30 the next morning, sms from Katiushka: “i’m too tired for this. I’ll call for you to see.” Arait then…
After our arrival at about 2 weeks “the” belgians had come as well. Erasmus. They needed internet of course, so we, on a very confident tone, said: it’s ok guys, we’re having it installed in a week or so and you can have it. Starting about 2 weeks ago they’ve been waiting with us and now we had decided to take the connection on their name since they’ll be here longer.
Yesterday Kati called the 3 stooges and one of them came with the bright idea that we CAN have net only with our VISA card, without the fin no, without the 300 deposit. Wow!!! Fucking great!!! Monkey danciing around!!!
Today all happy and pink, me, Boscoshka and Bjorn went there. Waited around for 15min to have one of the stooges explain to a granny how she can get net connection (lady…you’re not gonna live to see it trust us) and then we sat to talk “business”.
“terve, we’re here ’bout that net thing…(he nods his head in approval) our tutor called yesterday and you told her we can have it with our visa card. here is mine. please give us internet!!! please, please, please!!!”
“ok…i have to call” (again with that stupid call-thing. what the fuck?!?! who are you calling?!! aren’t you the company repres. already?!?) whasever…chill…it is OK.
“no. you cannot have it.”
I try to keep my calm, Bjorn says something in french about the guys’ little reindeers back home, Bosco rolls his eyes…”what do you mean?! our tutor called HERE and spoke with one of YOU and he said it CAN be done!”
“i know, BUT this was last year” ?!?!??!?!?!?!?????!??!??!??!
—a lot of swearing in both romanian and belgian (somehow it doesn’t sound like “mon amour, mon petit couchon”-french when that starts to happen)—
“it was yesterday, not last year” (what the fuck?! I know last week was the chinese new year…but come on!!!!) “kati spoke with you YESTERDAY”
“i know, BUT the offer (what fucking offer?! they call it an offer if they accept visa?!!?) was available only last year”
“BUT!!!! she spoke yesterday!!! eilen!!! capisci??!! with someone HERE”
“i know (it became clear that the guy knew fucking everything and being allmighty and shit he couldn’t deal with net-addict mortals), but it is not possible”
“so…the only way remains that finnish social no.?!”
“yes” the dude kept smiling like a little robot that he is.
“ok, then. kiitos, paivaa” in mata!
On the road again…to the police station. The thing with this finnish no. is that it costs another 40euros and it is completely useless to us cause we’re only exchange, therefore nobody wanted it. Arrived there (Bjorn and Bosco had already been there yesterday to try to get it but they were told that they can’t since they aren’t here for at least 6 months), went to the 1st floor, not 4th like yesterday, and started having a nice little english-with-a-strong-pissed-off-french-accent chat with an old cute lady.
“hei, we are here to get the finnish social no. we are exchange students. this is the letter of acceptance. these are 40euros. take care of them.”
“terve, this is the application form.”
we filled everything in… “ok here it is. when can we come for it?”
“you have to show me that you have money coming here”
“come again?!” (helping note: Joanna had already told us how she got the fin no. without this thing)
“show me that you have money here” (the little lady had sooome problems with “the queen’s english”)
everyone checks their wallets…
“no, that you have money coming here. that you can live here.”
“but we’re not living here. we’re EX-CHANGE!!! someone else was here and they had it done without all this” (aaa, by the way: the belgian with the net here had the connection without ANYTHING!!! i mean nothing! no passport, no visa, nada!!! niente!!)
“i know(again with that i know thing, if you fucking know then why isn’t it ok?!?), BUT i have to see something from the bank or something…”
“ok, listen lady we are erasmus (God-sent to entertain you and the guys from the net shop) therefore we have a monthly scholarship coming. MO-NEY!!! In your beautiful country banks don’t allow us to even see our balances let alone print it. so give me a break!!!”
At this point Bjorn comes with his phone and asks her to speak to someone. It was Kati. Of course he had called her not viceversa. The lady speaks and speaks and they agree to have a little get-together with their little reindeers and then she turns to us:
“ok, just write on the back: i am exchange student. i receive money from mother and father and from (papa) Erasmus.” ?!??!?!?!?
again, (say it with me): WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!
“if this was ok then why didn’t you tell us from the start?!?!”
“yes, it is ok” smiley face
Sweet Lord and Mother of God!!!! we went for a coke at an Irish Pub just to forget this bloody thing.
Ending: there are NO rules in Finland. Every and each local clerk makes his/her laws. And they are very, very, very!!!! slow. That’s our story today folks. Nothing that important, but had to let it out.